In six days, it will be one year since my mother transitioned on and left this world. In many ways, it feels like it was a life time ago that she and I had our last conversation, and in other ways, I am still in disbelief that she is really gone.
I have experienced other, very close and loved family members and friends passing on. It is painful, sad, and difficult. Losing my Mother has been different, much more intense, profound, and heartbreaking.
There is a connection to our mother that is like no other connection. We begin with the super cool fact that your mother carried the egg cells which may one day be fertilized and grow into her own grandchild. I know!! A bit of a brain twister! Every woman is born with all her eggs already inside her ovaries. You can have as many as seven million eggs in your ovaries at birth and those eggs will be released every menstrual cycle throughout your (fertile) lifetime. What this means is because you are born with all of your eggs, your eggs were once inside of your mother when you were a fetus in her womb.
If we approach this from an energetic perspective, the connection can be realized as extremely impactful. As an egg cell, we were already connected to our mother through our grandmother. We experience our mothers life with her as an egg in her ovaries. There is a connection to our mother like no other relationship. It is a scientific fact. As we know through thermodynamics, energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It simply changes states. The total amount of energy in an isolated system does not, cannot, change. And thanks to Einstein, we also know that matter and energy are two rungs on the same ladder. Full Article here: https://futurism.com/the-physics-of-death
We have been through a lot with our mother before we are even born! Is it any wonder that we have such a deep bond with her? Whether the relationship is beautiful, loving, difficult or strained, there is a connectedness like no other. A strand that connects us long after the umbilical cord has been cut, the one that began before the umbilical cord was needed or formed.
Emotionally, It takes effort for me to be comforted by the understanding that my mothers energy is all around me. I want to talk with her, to text her about the silly thing that one of her grand dogs did today or share our heart for my daughter/her granddaughter. I sense when she is close because my heart hurts and I cry; it is the heart connection-my heart feels her nearby and there is a pull on my heart strings. The memories, photos, and spending time with my family help to ease the pain of Mom not sitting next to me- in the flesh. Her energy, love, and presence in my life in her spirit form remind me that we are all a part of everything around us. We will one day-as Mom is now, be in every whisper of the wind, every blade of grass, and every star in the sky. It reminds me that my connection to her and hers to me is eternal and unbreakable. It is forever.
When I was 15, I couldn’t wait to be 18. I remember daydreaming about what I would do if the day ever came that I actually had my 18th birthday. I mean, time just seemed to go so slow. I was sure that I was destined to be 15 forever, tormented by my mother; she was obviously trying to ruin my life. Teachers, and most other adults; except my grandmother, she was much too cool and awesome to annoy me, were all trying to ruin my life! I was sure that time had completely stopped. I was stuck in some kind of neutral time machine.
Fast forward to somewhere in my thirties(ish) . Time began to quicken. I started to notice little things, like the way that a little extra fluff wanted to stay around my mid section; I know, this doesn’t actually have anything to do with time but, I did notice it and it was definitely annoying! Our daughter was born, and then BAM! She was graduating from high school. I remember begging her to slow down and just enjoy being a child, I remember emploring her not to rush into adulthood; with it came responsibility and the expectation for her to actually give up childish behaviors. I remember telling her that once you’re there (adulthood), you cannot turn back. She grew up anyway. I keep meaning to ask her what she thinks about the whole thing now?
Do you remember overhearing adults having conversations about the changes in youth today, or current events, and thinking to yourself “boy, I hope I never get that old”. They would talk about how we were all going to break our necks in those silly bell bottom pants, or how salacious our dance moves were. The thoughts that adults have about youth of the times is always connected to the past. Fascinating. It is as though their childhood was only just yesterday. Time just speeds by. Time does just keep slipping, slipping, slipping, into the future- as the Steven Miller Band song Fly Like an Eagle (released in 1976) says.
I am working to truly live in the no time, no space; I strive to live in the moment. Mindful walking, trying to hold my thoughts only on the present. Trying not to judge “the youth of today”. It truly takes a great deal of intention, effort, and patience to stay in the moment. I have found that in the moments that I allow my mind to wander into the worries of the future; especially with all that is currently going on in our country, our world, I am overcome with fear. In thinking about this, I also realized that when I am filled with fear, I am vulnerable to being easily influenced by that which promotes itself as comfort. My ability to make clear, reasonable and solid choices is absolutely non existent when I am acting in fear. It is fascinating to realize that this is just a microscopic “blip” on the radar of existence.
“Don’t Look Back, Your Not Going That Way”Mary Engelbreit
My guides say this-
Time is irrelevant. Fear is robbery. All balance comes from being in connection with one’s highest self. When we are in true balance, time, fear, anxiety, and worries do not have power. The joy of being in balance and harmony leaves no space for nonsense.
Enjoy the now!
I love coffee. I love everything coffee. My favorite place to catch up with friends and solve all of the world problems is at Bean Towne, a local coffee house and cafe. The lattes, sandwiches, salads, and assorted gluten free products are out of this world and if you are lucky enough to have Sparky whip up your latte, you also enjoy a smile that will keep you warm all day. I don’t work for or with the folks at Bean Towne. This blog post doesn’t even have anything to do with them or coffee except that it is where most of my best conversations (other than the one’s that happen in my car) take place.
One day last week, I met a friend at Bean Towne for a late afternoon latte. We try to get together at least once a week; we are concerned that if we go any longer between visits, the worlds problems could grow out of control and we may not be able to solve them all in one sitting. Our conversation took many paths, as it often does, and we soon found ourselves on the subject of marriage and why some make it, why some don’t, and what we think the key ingredients might be that help to keep one going for the long haul. I have been married for 32 years (in April) and one of the things that my husband and I do so well together is dream. We make some fairly large scale plans and have some fairly lofty dreams, we always have. We dream about where we will go on our next vacation, how we will retire and we dream about little things like what we will have for dinner or what we might share for dessert. We never stop dreaming. We often share our dreams, hopes, plans, and schemes with our daughter, with our friends, and sometimes even with the lady at the post office or the guy that bags our groceries. I am sure that we drive people a little crazy with all of our dreaming.
Our dreams have changed over the years and some of the one’s that we had when we were much younger came to fruition. Many of them did not. We don’t look back upon the dreams that didn’t become reality, we know that they morphed into new dreams. I don’t know what we would do without our dreams, schemes, and plans; they keep us joyful and united. Our dreams are a common goal, a sense of togetherness, a joint effort and a constant topic of conversation. Dreaming is fun, it’s free, and it helps us to realize a never ending sense of hope and adventure.
People that allow themselves to dream and cultivate the dreams of others, they are the salt of the earth. To encourage a dream can lead to creativity and greatness and there really is no better way to show love and gratitude for another human being than to help them reach their dreams. We all have an inner child that has not forgotten how to dream; we just have to let go and allow them to have our hearts and minds every now and again.
Couples that dream together always have something in common, something to talk about and something to look forward to. Dream a little dream together. Start with something fun and silly or something big and serious. It doesn’t matter as long as your dreaming.
There is nothing like a dream to create the future.
It truly does take a village-to raise a child, to raise a barn, to raise a country-up to its highest and most balanced, safe, and glorious level.
The word “raise” as found in the dictionary- To lift or move to a higher position or level. To increase the amount, level, or strength of. Lift up, hold aloft, elevate, uplift, upraise, upthrust, increase.
When we lift up, encourage, and build the strength of, we are helping to combat the ability for fear to enter where it has no place. We are creating safety, stability and strength. To be aware, respectful of, mindful of, and prepared for, is not the same as fear. When we are prepared and given understanding and wisdom, we do not fear. When we know that we are not alone, we do not fear.
I have sought guidance (ad nauseum) about the “current condition our condition is in” and what I have received over and over is that fear is the enemy, fear is at the root of all evil, fear is how the imbalance began. Where or when did it begin? Well, they (my guides) say at the beginning. It is fear that allows (television, culture, society, religion, etc.) to control us, to set us apart from one another. Dividing us and creating fear is where we as a people, and as a country, have become vulnerable.
We have allowed ourselves to be controlled by fear. We are reacting in fear; from a place of vulnerability. We have allowed our government, our media, and most sadly each other to instill fear and disunitedness. We are attacking each other. We are hurting each other. We are teaching our children to hurt each other. We can choose to change the direction. One individual, one act, one family, one community, one state at a time. We can choose unity.
To make it to the other side, to cross the threshold of being controlled by fear, to regain our power and true purpose, we must unite. We must once again join each other in raising the barns, uplifting our elders, raising each other’s children. We must discontinue attacking each other. We can choose to uplift one another and to act with grace and dignity. We can choose to either say something nice or not say anything at all. It is very, very simple. Any one of us can choose (to change direction) at any time; it is NEVER too late. We can choose to help our neighbor, to be kind to a stranger. We can determine that we will change the direction that we are going as a country by changing the direction that we are going in as individuals. When we unite, we are limitless, unstoppable, and truly magnificent. Together, we have nothing to fear. Together we will RISE UP.
Another poem given to me by spirit. This one has given me such a beautiful sense of hope. I wish you hope as you read these words.
I will come
Sing me a song and
I will breath you fresh air
Wait for my arrival by the nearest tree
Wait for me, wait for me, rustling leaves
Bring me a gift and
I will heal your heart
Lend me your ear
And I will tell you the truth’s
Shine like the sun
And I’ll give you the moon
Wait for me, wait for me
I’ll be there soon.